Modern man is tempted by some popular ideas that are seemingly persuasive and attractive, but are in fact vastly overrated and misunderstood. Many of them proclaim the ability not to be a servant of one's Ego, but in fact perpetuate just such a tendency.

The myth of self-love

The most important thing is to love ourselves.

It is certainly important to develop our own values and self-esteem, and to strive for happiness. But it is just as important to learn to love others, not just ourselves. Increasingly, however, modern man enters into relationships without an effort at basic self-sacrifice/selflessness. Those very words have fallen out of use! We don't want to part with even our most minor habits for the benefit of another. We measure carefully only what we get and walk away at the slightest stumble. Dedicated to his own needs and petty comfort, the modern man who is diligently learning to love himself will soon have to learn again how to love another (unless he wants to live with himself).

The myth of unconditional love

We should not try to change the other.

We shouldn't. One should be willing to change oneself when building relationships. If we always stay the same and new encounters fail to change us at all, then we will never learn anything new. "I am what I am" is nothing more than a form of stubbornness and a strong ego. It is naive to expect that we will be loved exactly as we are, unconditionally! Even parents don't love us unconditionally - they set their rules and conditions too! We ourselves are not capable of loving unconditionally. If a loved one continually asks us for loans without paying them back, it is obvious that we will not love them exactly as they are and will certainly want to change them.

The myth of positive thinking

If you think positive, everything will work out for you! Everything depends on you!

It is certainly harmful to think only negatively and find a problem at every solution. But unfortunately, it does not follow that a positive attitude guarantees success. Besides, one should be able to lose too! This supposedly well-meaning philosophy of positive thinking actually suggests that I should always be positive and always successful - some kind of super hero! In reality, however, not everything is up to us! Even too few things depend only on us! The mindset that we have complete power over our destiny (which we control with the power of positive thought) places a great deal of responsibility/guilt on us, deprives us of real judgment about objective/societal problems, and the ability to recognize our true feelings. The modern tendency to dismiss sadness and negative feelings is wrong and even harmful. There are no bad feelings (there are bad actions, but that's another topic)! All our feelings have a right to exist!

The myth of harmful thinking

Don't think it so much!

Related to this, the myth that thinking too much can only give you a headache is very common. All sorts of methods are applied to "remove" this malignant disease - thinking. One of the tried and tested remedies is alcohol (and other substances), of course. The other is to act, not to think. So life is filled with a bunch of rash actions and drunken performances. One slightly better solution has been gaining momentum lately, and that is physical activity. Sport is certainly a wonderful thing, but not every problem is killed with sport and movement. Sometimes you have to sit down and think. Better yet and discuss it!

The myth of the almighty desire

You can achieve anything if you want it strong enough!

Unfortunately, this myth is propagated by a modern pseudo-psychology that makes people believe that they are almost omnipotent if they try hard enough! As if objective circumstances and social injustices don't exist and we are capable of lifting mountains if we weren't so lazy! However, like any other human rule, this rule also has its limit and cannot be elevated to the height of universal truth! No matter how badly you want to become an astronaut, if you're going to damage the whole room every time you spin upside down, there's no point in wasting your time! However, this modern semi-sectarian philosophy fills large halls of people where the guru-mentor hypnotically hypes them up to become millionaires and superheroes by pushing the "American Dream" which, by the way, Americans don't believe in anymore! The nurturing of such perfectionism actually drives some people to such a state of burnout and chronic frustration, from which they then take years to recover!

The myth of freedom

I am a free man!

For many people, freedom and independence are the number one value. Living as a couple strongly threatens their sense of freedom. They suffocate and feel restricted and unfree. In reality, however, our personal freedom is severely limited by everything anyway, and even tends towards non-existent. Time, space and our finances are also limited. We are even limited by our own body - we have to provide it with food shelter, exercise, sleep, rest or treatment. Time for pleasure and entertainment is severely limited. If we choose to remain free without having to care for anyone other than ourselves, it is a perfectly possible choice, but we must be willing to pay the price. Freedom is often paid for with loneliness. In any case, this choice is more worthy than trying to live in a couple from which we are constantly trying to free ourselves. Being both committed and uncommitted is a balance that is difficult to achieve and often causes pain to the other.

The myth of limitless choice

When it's not you it will be someone/something else/another one!

Yes, it is. It's full of dating sites where you can catalogue a specimen of your liking, strike up a conversation with them in just two minutes and in another two - anything can happen! Life is an endless adventure, live for the moment! Except that after five such adventures, it turns out that you keep running into these kinds of creatures. What's the reason? Is it luck, is it fate? Are they all the same? It turns out that the choice of people really is limitless, but my taste remains limited. I like one particular set of qualities and keep looking for a new person with my old favorite qualities. The person will be new, but I will be the same! And I am often disappointed! Besides, it turns out that the choice is limitless in theory, but in practice it is completely impossible to get hold of everything existing on the market. It's like buying and eating absolutely all the food on sale in the supermarket. Obviously, I will go broke, I will overeat and besides, they will keep bringing new and new goods!

The myth of eternal youth

Age is just a number. It is how we feel that is important!

The march of time is unidirectional and irreversible, at least as far as biological units are concerned. Living with the illusion that our feelings are stronger than time leads to denial of reality and heaps of disappointments! Modern cosmetics/surgery will stretch my face, take away everything superfluous and add everything missing in the visible dimension of my body, but it will not stop the natural internal processes of aging. My new girlfriend/boyfriend, considerably younger than me, will charm me with their freshness and return me to youth for a while until their abundant energy begins to wear me down and my chilled enthusiasm begins to bore them. Sooner or later, with or without silicone, I will have to accept the inevitable - if I want to live longer, I will have to reach and pass through old age.