Given the modern ideas about self-love, freedom, and eternal partying, the definition of family is becoming increasingly problematic.

The Myth of Family Happiness

Until death do us part!

Families with an endless lifespan are becoming rarer and evoke universal admiration and wonder! People search for the recipe for eternal love. However, an eternal family does not mean eternal love, of course. Throughout human history, the meaning of family has never been personal happiness. Family happiness and personal happiness do not overlap. This is where the misunderstanding arises. If a modern person enters marriage with the idea of being constantly happy, they cannot avoid disappointment. If they try to make the other person happy and thus receive happiness like a boomerang, that sounds more plausible. But good luck convincing someone to focus first on another's happiness!

Moreover, a family does not have to last forever to be successful. The mission of life as a couple is actually much more pragmatic – to raise children and grow old together with dignity, in the most pleasant way possible. If at least one of these conditions is met, the family can be considered successful. Or we might create a series of several successful families – with one partner we raise children, with another we share our old age... and there is no drama in that! We can call a family unsuccessful only if it is ruled by constant war and suffering... until death separates them!

The Myth of the Perfect Relationship

If we love each other, we will never argue.

This myth ends many relationships that could have been successful if they had not been ended prematurely. If we argue so often, it means we are not meant for each other – says the modern couple, then switches the TV channel in search of a more romantic movie! Certainly, there are irreconcilable differences with no cure. There are value system mismatches that lead to nothing good. But there are also simple communication mismatches that can be avoided. An argument is, after all, an attempt at understanding... albeit an unsuccessful one. What matters is to work towards turning that argument into a discussion. From the desire to hurt the other, to the desire to understand them.

The Myth of Violence

He/She has never hit me.

A man who does not hit his wife is a good husband. If he also doesn’t drink, he’s practically an angel! Here, the criteria for a full relationship are minimized. Women who are not beaten or drunk are strangely not declared angels. Verbal aggression, insults, humiliation, and other forms of violence remain hard to detect and unacknowledged. One of the hardest forms of violence to prove is silence, for example. We argue, and the other just falls silent and leaves the battlefield. It seems as if nothing bad happened since he neither hits nor insults! But refusal to communicate is maddening! Shouting is a form of helplessness, but silence is definitely violence. This is rarely realized or admitted.

The Myth of Concession

The secret to family harmony is compromise.

The secret to family harmony is compatibility – the one with whom we are compatible! We must open our eyes wide when choosing a partner and seek the greatest possible compatibility. Intuitively, we look for exactly that – understanding and complementing each other, not endless patience and self-sacrifice. It is good to approach not only with passion, feelings, and intuition but with sober thought. The red flags are visible immediately, but at first, we downplay them. Why live with compromises if we can live with our perfect match?

The Myth of the Meaning of Life

We live for the children.

We turn our children into our meaning! They do not belong to us, despite the fact that we gave them life. Once we gave it, it is theirs! If they are forced to be someone’s meaning, then what will their meaning in life be? Such a life will be filled with guilt and endless duty. If a modern person wants to create their own family, they must belong entirely to this new family, not to their parents, siblings, or any other relatives. The era of the Gerači (the old family hierarchy) is over. The modern family has its own rules. But for that, it must be financially independent. A young person who demands complete absence of parental interference must have their own home and financial support. Otherwise, they will tolerate interference!