It is completely natural for traumatic events such as the loss of a loved one, violence, and other extraordinary events to throw us off balance for a certain period of time. It becomes problematic when this period lasts too long or begins to affect almost all our decisions, communication, and encounters with new people. The experience of grief, for example, passes through regular stages and durations that are almost identical for all people. Full psychological processing takes about two years and passes through stages of denial, anger, and sadness until it ends with acceptance and relief. This is the “natural” way in which the experience of grief occurs in healthy people. We recognize a problem when one of the stages cannot be overcome, and the person remains captive to it for an unusually long time or in an extremely painful way. It is interesting to note that the loss of a loved one does not only mean physical death, but also separation, infidelity, and divorce, which are experienced with emotions similar to the stages of mourning and represent serious upheavals in a person’s life. Traumatic experiences can also include job loss, moving to another city or country, serious illness, or any other event that represents a radical change for the person, their value system, and way of life.
Repetition of Trauma
One of Freud’s remarkable discoveries is precisely the tendency of trauma to be repeated in life when it has not been overcome. He introduced the concept of trauma repetition, according to which people paradoxically and unconsciously repeat traumatic experiences in an attempt to overcome them or to give them new meaning. However, this tendency does not lead to healing, since the sufferer is not able to become aware of and integrate the pain from the past. Freud discovered the paradoxical tendency of the psyche toward inertia and self-destruction, which sometimes leads us to destructive decisions and behavior.
Psychotherapeutic work makes it possible to recognize, name, and evacuate painful and distressing feelings, as well as to give voice to unspoken and repressed conflicts, disappointments, and memories. It is also useful to discuss the patient’s personal beliefs regarding concepts such as life and death, good and evil, faith and atheism. There are interesting techniques that allow the evacuation of suppressed feelings and fears, as well as the awareness of the patient’s true existential beliefs. It is entirely possible, for example, that a person raised in religious beliefs may actually have deep doubts on this topic, or the opposite—there are atheists who feel deprived due to the lack of religious feeling, as well as many other beliefs that are not discussed in everyday life and of which the person rarely becomes aware of their influence in their life.
Fear of Death
The topic of death also represents a taboo subject for many people, who avoid thinking about it at all costs. However, this does not mean that it stops existing or exerting its strong influence in their lives. The fear of death can be very successfully explored in a psychotherapeutic process and can reveal many unsuspected layers. In different people, this fear has different faces, dimensions, and meanings. For example, practice shows that the fear of death is not only the universal fear of complete and final disappearance from this world, but for some people it may also mean fear of “unrealized intentions, plans, and ambitions,” “unfulfilled duty or expectations,” “unborn children and disappearance without leaving a trace,” etc., or the fear that death would cause inconsolable grief to loved ones for whom the person feels a strong responsibility to care. The exploration and awareness of such fears always leads to a significant reduction of their intensity and pressure, as well as the overcoming of unnecessary superstitions, meaningless complicated ceremonies and magical rituals, or irrational decisions, such as traveling 3,000 km by car just to avoid flying by plane!
Sweeping such essential topics related to life and death under the rug contributes absolutely nothing to maintaining psychological health. Our individual life philosophy is extremely important and should be well understood and developed—it can both make us ill and heal us.
Traumatic experiences can include:
- Serious accident (car crash, fall, burn, etc.)
- Physical or sexual abuse, rape
- Emotional or physical mistreatment in childhood
- Death or loss of a loved one
- Separation or divorce (especially unexpected)
- Betrayal by a close person
- Diagnosis with a serious illness (personal or of a loved one)
- Abortion or experience related to pregnancy loss
- Natural disaster (earthquake, flood, fire, etc.)
- Terrorist act or mass violence
- Refugee status, forced migration, living in a war zone
- Unemployment and financial instability
- Living in an environment of social exclusion or discrimination
- Cyberbullying or online violence
- Witnessing an incident or violence
- Helper or rescuer (medic, firefighter, police officer) exposed to others’ trauma
- Watching violent or shocking videos (especially in children and sensitive people)
- Experiencing bullying at school or the workplace
- Loss of home or poverty
- Adoption or separation from biological parents
- Living in a family with alcoholism or drug addiction
© 2026 Family Therapy
Adaptation and programming: Chris Design Art Ltd.