Many people self-diagnose with this term, referring to a chronic feeling of sadness, fatigue, exhaustion, hopelessness, despair, apathy, and even loss of desire to live and suicidal thoughts. It is important that clinical depression is adequately recognized and treated properly, which sometimes requires the use of antidepressants. However, alongside medication, it is essential to undertake psychotherapy. Without awareness, verbalization, and discussion of the deep thoughts, feelings, and attitudes associated with the depressive state, medication alone does not provide particularly full results. Very often, however, it is not actually a case of clinical depression, and this diagnosis does not correspond to the real issues the patient is facing. There are existential crises, phobias, hypochondriacal fears, and panic disorders that are often accompanied by feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and extreme exhaustion.
Postpartum depression should not be underestimated either. It is related not only to hormonal factors but can also reflect deep existential crises and doubts that remained unacknowledged before pregnancy. There is social pressure and taboo topics that prevent many women from realizing their true feelings about motherhood, which may differ significantly from the commonly accepted attitudes and expectations. Postpartum depression is also associated with a serious hormonal imbalance that needs additional medical testing.
There may also be objective circumstances that cause the depressive state, such as traumatic experiences or some form of violence. We must be especially careful with issues of violence and bullying in schools—whether physical, verbal, or the widely spread virtual cyberbullying on social networks. Puberty is a period when perceptions and sensitivity are extremely heightened, exaggerated, or distorted, and teenagers experience events dramatically, which to adults may seem insignificant. Suicidal thoughts, spoken or sensed in a close person, should never be underestimated.
Today, we often hear about so-callednarcissistic personalities that we may have in our environment, as if recognizing such profiles is essential in order to "save ourselves" from them. Yes, it is certainly important to determine whether someone close to us is truly a malevolent person, but this diagnosis alone is not enough. For real and complete therapy, it is also crucial to recognize the “victim” within ourselves—that part of us that allows the narcissist to exist, to feed off of us, to parasitize and to grow. Without a victim, there is no narcissist! It is just as interesting to explore the motives of the “victim” as it is those of the narcissist. With narcissistic profiles, not much can be achieved—they do not seek treatment for themselves, nor do they believe they have a problem. It’s important to know and accept this. We cannot expect change from a narcissist. We can only work on ourselves, in our position as "victim and sufferer," to understand what makes us so vulnerable and susceptible to manipulation, and whether we are willing to keep paying the price for that vulnerability. Which is stronger—the fear of our narcissistic tormentor or the fear of change?
For a depressive state, it is absolutely important to determine whether it is provoked by this type of daily toxic communication, so that not only treatment can be initiated, but also a general reorientation toward change in one’s lifestyle and environment. The situation becomes extremely delicate when it involves minors, who do not have the same freedom of action as adults. If during a family consultation there is evidence of boundary violations, manipulation, or abuse, the therapeutic process helps to shake the doubts that the “victim” often experiences, wondering whether they "deserved it." Of course, if it is a matter of systemic abuse and legal violations, the problem goes beyond the scope of psychotherapy and enters the field of social services and law enforcement. What the therapist can do is to dispel the victim’s doubts and support them in their efforts to assert their rights.
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