Addictions, Dependencies

Escape from oneself, the unbearable reality

Addictions

The vices at first are passersby, then they are guests, and finally they become masters! - The Talmud

Addictions are among the most difficult and persistent issues to treat. Besides the well-known addictions to drugs and various opiates, alcohol, food, gambling, or sex, we can now certainly include the so-called “screen addiction,” with the common thread among all of them being misuse/excessive use and the inability to control it. First and foremost, awareness and acknowledgment of the problem are mandatory, since most of the time the addict is convinced that everything is under control and that they can stop whenever they decide. It turns out, however, that they almost never make such a decision, unless pressed by circumstances, by their health or financial condition, by their surroundings, by law enforcement, or by any other external factors. Addicts almost always “hit bottom” and take steps of their own will only when “the knife reaches the bone.” With addictions, it is good to undertake comprehensive treatment including individual, family, and group sessions, with a clear understanding that the battle will be long, difficult, and with an unpredictable outcome. For some addictions, it is also essential to include medication‐based therapy.

Prevention is more powerful than treatment!

In the case of addictions, the most effective measure of all remains prevention. How can we save our teenager from harmful influences? — This is one of the most essential questions that modern parents should ask themselves at the threshold of puberty. And there are many answers. It is advisable to seek diverse solutions that are not exhausted solely with bans, sanctions, scare tactics, and restrictions. When we forbid something, it is good to be able to offer an alternative. “Stop using that phone/computer!” can be accompanied by a suggestion of another activity. Effective programs for personal development and career guidance have already been developed specifically for teenagers, which can be very useful! If we encounter difficulties communicating with our child, we must take action in time, before it becomes too late! Addictions are easier to prevent than to cure.

Do not lose the connection with your child!

Being a parent under today’s conditions of boundless possibilities for external influences is a big challenge. The modern parent must constantly balance the roles of authority figure and simultaneously a friend to their child. The family institution is in crisis, and the roles of man and woman, mother and father, have already changed significantly. This affects the children and it is unfair to expect them to be perfect when we ourselves are not. If we judge and compare today’s values and attitudes with those from older times, there is a risk of losing the connection with our children. To communicate well, it is important always to try to understand the era in which they live, rather than necessarily rejecting it and opposing everything that is new and different, provided, of course, it does not threaten their life and health. There is a conservative tendency in people to believe that the past was better than the present and the future. This belief is based more on nostalgia for youth than on logic, so it is not especially useful to indulge in it, because it deepens the gap between generations. Experience shows that mentally healthy are those who manage to accept change and adapt to the present moment. Resistance in any case does not have the strength to stop time; it only stops our own capacity to cope.

The ability to say “No”!

Another extremely useful strategy for preventing addictions in adolescence is to succeed in building in our child good self‐esteem, self‐confidence and the ability to say “No”! Anti‐conformism will help them resist peer pressure. Every young person strongly desires to be accepted and liked by their environment. This desire sometimes pushes them towards wrong decisions, dictated entirely by conformity. As parents, we can show them that “what others will say” should not be the leading motive in making decisions about our own life! But for that, we ourselves must be capable of it!

Addiction as an illusion of comfort

Addictions often reflect an overall dysfunction in the family that has remained neglected, but in no way can it be pointed to as the sole cause of the problem. Along the way, everyone experiences emotional difficulties, and substances or other addictive behaviors can become an illusory easy way to overcome them. The addicted person gradually shifts the focus from relationships with loved ones to the relationship with that substance. From a means of “comfort” it becomes an end in itself. The transition is so gradual that the addict does not realize it for a long time while living with the illusion of control. It is very difficult later to pry away this “pacifier.” Family therapy mobilizes the potential of the family and close circle to overcome the problem through awareness of consequences, responsibility, interactions, and support.

The whole family of the addict needs help!

Family therapy does not focus solely on the specific problem, but on the entire relational dynamic, which is deeply deformed under the pressure of addiction. The family may have lived for years with tension, guilt, secrets, and conflicts, without having been able to express the accumulated tension, fears, anger, and pain. Therapeutic meetings create a protected space where each family member can share their experiences and be listened to and understood. For the addicted person, it is priceless to feel that they are not alone in this battle, but it is equally important that the family learns how to set boundaries, to emancipate themselves from the role of the sole “savior,” and to focus on adequate solutions for comprehensive and long‐term recovery through professional external help.