Sexuality and Intimacy

"Love and sexuality are the two main paths through which a person can find happiness, but they both pass through the same fundamental conflicts that make our mental state so complex." — Sigmund Freud

Couples rarely turn to family therapy directly because of sexual problems. In most cases, sexual issues accompany a range of other misunderstandings and conflicts. Often, sexual problems are not the primary source of other family problems, but rather a consequence of them. However, more often than not, it’s not a simple cause-and-effect relationship, but a genuine vicious cycle! — We argue, grow distant, stop desiring each other, lose intimacy, and the colder we become, the more we continue to argue! At the same time, there is a widespread belief that a good sex life guarantees good relationships and vice versa. While there is certainly a connection between these things, it is not as decisive as commonly assumed, neither in all couples nor at all stages of family life. Many couples continue to have problems in other areas despite a fulfilling sex life, and conversely, some couples achieve their own harmony that is not based on sexuality.

In the long run, good sex does not guarantee excellent relationships!

We can only resolve conflicts with sex for so long. The age of the couple and the stage they are in matter significantly. Priorities at age 20 and 60 are quite different, and it’s not realistic to expect the passion from the first meetings to remain intact several years later — this is obvious to most people. However, some do not cope well with the cooling of passions and believe such patterns don’t apply to their relationship, thinking their life won’t be like “everyone else’s.” Also, most people believe there are universal and accepted rules about what is "normal" in family life, but in their couple, these simply “don’t apply.” This belief actually applies to many problems in general, not just sexual ones.

When it comes to sexual problems, as with most issues, tension often arises from a lack of communication. Sexuality is a delicate topic that is not discussed with equal ease in all couples. Men, especially those experiencing sexual blockages, tend to withdraw and can appear distant and cold. Lack of sexual satisfaction and personal preferences can remain unshared and unspoken for a long time. Differences in value systems can also be significant for most people. It is beneficial for family therapy to be combined with individual therapy, and with consultation from a sexologist if needed.